Yes! You heard it right, I DO NOT LOVE MY HAIR! I never really did for reasons unknown but the big chop was four years ago and I have never looked back.
Going natural was a health choice for me, not for other reasons like being 'proud' of my hair and heritage. I didn’t want chemicals hitting my scalp every 8 or so weeks for the rest of my life like it had for the many years before. As long as I remembered pre-natural stage, I had long, straight, relaxed hair. I do not know exactly when I got my first relaxer but a photograph on my 4th birthday saw my mid back length bone-straight hair flowing like the goddess Aphrodite who just took sight of a sailing ship with 200 hot men aboard. It is safe to say my hair got relaxed in my 3’s (Mum, expect a call from Jerry Springer ASAP).
Relaxing my hair was a way of life for me but in the wave of afro power natural hair revolution that has swept the nations in the last decade, I thought about going natural many times but I resisted. I resisted because for the 9 months I was pregnant with my son I didn’t use relaxers and my mixed textures nearly sent me to a mental asylum. I worried about going natural, about the management and styling of my hair and many more issues I might come across. I had nine months of undergrowth and unkempt hair and the day after my son was born, my mother stood in front of me with a bowl of relaxer and a steely determination similar to a family intervention for a person on crack cocaine. The look on her face said it all “You look crazy, sit down let me restore your factory settings” (somewhat).
Fast forward two years later, I decided to go natural a few good years after many people around me had dumped the creamy crack and preached to me often about joining her natural hair CULT (as I saw it at the time). I went for the big chop immediately, no transitioning, no thinking about it because I have never had sentiments towards my hair.
When I say I don’t love my hair, it is true! I DID NOT love my relaxed hair, I don’t love my natural hair. Hair to me are just dead cells that exist so you can enhance, style up and look cute, it is a platform for styling and nothing else. My hair grows fast and long and thick but I hold no value for it. When people complimented my long hair, I shrugged and thought “If only they knew what I plan for this hair in the next few months”. I chopped and the drop of a hat, I coloured one day and changed the colour the next , I bleached, and get this… I NEVER TIED A BONNET TO BED (moment of silence for my hair please). Kids do not try this at home!
My disregard for my hair started young. I remember when I first got admission to a catholic boarding school at the age of 10, we were required to cut our hair short before the first day of school. As soon as I heard I got admission, a few months before resumption to school, I went to the barbers BY MYSELF without the permission of my mum to cut my hair, the barbers sent me back to my dismay even after flashing my dalla dalla bills to entice them. The following weeks, I would bug my mum endlessly about cutting my hair, she gave in and I was back at the barbers with my permission slip to get my Samson locs annihilated forever never to return. I stepped out looking fresh, came out of the barbers skipping and singing all the way home, I was so happy. Very unusual for a 10 year old but I was fed up of long relaxed hair and wanted something different.
These days, everyone is expected to go natural otherwise you must be ashamed of your heritage or you don’t love yourself. LIES! Some people just couldn’t care less. Hair means different things to different people. My hair has never defined me, it has never made me feel ugly or pretty, it has never held significance on how I felt about myself. So when I see people that have their natural hair constantly covered under wigs, I let them be, It's ok. I don’t label it as self-hate, they just don’t love their hair just like they might not love their feet or their booty, hair is just another anatomy that you can love, like, hate or feel indifferent about. Hair might mean the world to some people but mean nothing to others. This is my stance on the matter. Everyone has just gotta do you. I think I am loving my hair this week but next week will be another story for sure. I don't love my hair but I like it right now.
Until next time buttercups Peace and Love
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